Why women need Stanton Healthcare NI

It was a very cold January morning and I boarded the train en route to Marie Stopes in Buckhurst Hill, Essex. Alone. Alone with my thoughts. And tears. Heartbroken tears. But, the truth is, I wasn't alone. I had a baby in my tummy, a 16 week old, who I loved very much and who I had envisaged in my future. I am fine boned but at 16 weeks pregnant I was huge and I loved how my figure curved out in a womanly fashion. I was so proud of my bump and was looking forward to motherhood. I was 32. The time was right. 

My world was shattered when I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I was not moving back to Northern Ireland with "another man's child for me to bring up". I had broken up with my baby's father but he was willing and able to provide for him/her. A wealthy, high flying London lawyer. Hormones all over the place, I was flung into turmoil. What should I do? Will I be homeless when I go home? Will my stepdad throw me out like he threatened to? I so needed my mum but she died when I was 15 so I was on my own in decision making. The lease was up on my London flat - how will I afford to continue to live here with a child, on my own...my flat mate was moving back to her home town, and I decided I was going to follow suit. I've never felt as alone in my life. I will take that feeling to my grave. 

Back to that cold January morning, sitting on the train, I arrived at Buckhurst Hill and a friendly taxi driver drove me to a very pretty Victorian house with a beautiful garden and pretty flowers. I paid my fare and the taxi driver gave me what seemed like a familiar gaze and I walked into the building. What am I doing here? Fear enveloped me. My baby. What am I doing? I felt sick and so very alone. I needed and wanted somebody to reach out and tell me it was going to be okay. There was nobody but the taxi driver and he had already reversed halfway down the driveway.

Inside, I went to reception and was asked to make a payment. I was then told to take a seat. I was offered no counselling. It felt like a business transaction. The clinic was very plush, almost like a hotel reception, not like what you imagine an abortion clinic to be like. I looked around me. Women of all ages, some alone like me, reading magazines or just staring into space, some with their partners engaging with others like it was a party. Me? I sat in silence with fat tears rolling down my face rubbing my tummy, all the while wishing someone would miraculously come and save us.

"Now Paula, just keep as still as you can. I just need to take some blood." I nearly fainted. "Take these tablets." Oh my God. What am I doing?

Lying on the trolley, the receptionist came over with a pen and reminded me that I needed to sign the cheque. In that second I literally signed my child's life away.

I woke up whimpering in the recovery room. The nurse told me to be quiet. "What are you crying for?" Oh my God, I wanted my mum. What have I done? 

My friend came to collect me and I was sent off with sanitary towels and paracetamol. The rest of the evening is a blur although I remember sitting on the loo and bleeding profusely, I was in so much pain.

Fast forward fourteen years and I am childless. My advice for anyone abortion minded, please don't do it. It not only kills your baby but it messes with your mental health. I know as I have battled with depression and anxiety ever since. It is so true the saying "where there is a will there is a way". There are crisis pregnancy centres out there (who sadly I didn't know about). Go to them. Do not go to the abortion centres, who don't care. All they want is your money. And that is the blatant truth!

I hope my story helps to save unborn babies and women from the terrible horror of abortion.

Paula, Northern Ireland


For more information please visit Stanton Healthcare NI via their website: http://www.stantonbelfast.org/

or call Stanton on 028 9033 2882

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